Lower Your Desires

Most of our internal suffering can be directly linked to what we desire. We want something (health, wealth, status, freedom, power, love, etc.) and are unhappy until we obtain it. This concept is far from new; as The Buddha famously stated, “The root of all suffering is desire.” But we need desires; without them, we would all be dead. Today, the problem is that we have too many desires, and the solution is to minimize how many we have.

In modern-day developed countries, over-desiring is all too familiar. While our ancestors might have worried about whether they had enough food to last them through the winter, we lose sleep over the number of likes we get on our social media posts.

Today, because most of our basic survival needs are met, we spend a lot more time desiring things that are not particularly necessary. Social status, professional success, and material possessions are a few examples. Don’t get me wrong; a world in which we desire a fancier car rather than not getting eaten by lions is fantastic progress. Unfortunately, many of us use our newfound time and energy desiring to be billionaire business owners with a perfect body and hundreds of friends, and it’s making us depressed.

A few years back, I fell victim to too many desires. Having just scratched the surface of learning and growth, I was hungry to get the most out of my life. Eventually, I created a checklist of things I wanted to complete every day. Exercise, study for two hours, sleep 8 hours, spend time with friends, journal, meditate, read 20 pages of non-fiction; you get the idea.¹ The issue was I could rarely find myself completing all these tasks, and when I did, I felt no happier than when I didn’t. I remember asking myself one night, “Why can’t I ever achieve this “perfect” day?” I was miserable!

One day, while listening to a podcast, I heard a quote: “Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.”² I had an epiphany. My abundance of desires was making my life worse, not better. Following this realization, I began to lower my desires, and slowly, a more peaceful life followed. 

Western culture, along with expectations social media drills into us, leads many of us to pursue this optimal life, attempting to perfect every last part of it. I have learned this mindset creates a life filled with stress and anxiety. There is a much simpler approach.

If you feel overwhelmed by obligations in your life, pick one or two things most important to you and invest all your energy in them. I don’t know many miserable people whose only two desires in life are enjoying their work and maintaining healthy relationships. Don’t overdrive yourself; prioritize what matters.

You Are Alive

1  I am not condemning these practices; in fact, they are incredibly beneficial, but when approached incorrectly, routines and habits can turn us into stressed-out robots.

2  Naval Ravikant said this on Joe Rogan’s podcast. One of my favorite podcast episodes ever, filled with incredible wisdom - linked here.